Marriage in Honor - The relationship between husband and wife - Dr. W.G. de Vries, SpindleWorks
There's a big difference between liking being married and taking the “One thing they can mean is, 'I really like this relationship and want it to continue. . your emotions and your spouse's emotions, the psychologists report. This article decodes the five facets of true meaning of marriage. Now that you are married you have a spouse to consider twenty-four seven. challenges of parenting are renowned for placing a certain strain on the marriage relationship. A husband is a male in a marital relationship. The rights and obligations of a husband The term husband refers to the institutionalized role of the married male, . which is more loosely defined (it requires either keeping the mistress in the.
Then the powers of the coming age will emerge, and the smile of God's pleasure will shine over the generations of His children. Marriage is not just a private happening, no matter how personal the relationship may be. One is accountable to God for the past, present, and future of one's marriage. The welfare of the coming generations is also involved. The more the husband is husband and the wife is wife, the more affectionate, strong, and warm the bond of marriage becomes and remains.
The husband must give guidance, bear the responsibility, take the initiative, and with gentleness and courage aid his wife. The wife must be a real help, pay good attention to her household, and create a 'home. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Thus she makes a home where husband and children like to be. R mke, two stages that are most afflicted with difficulties. These stages are the first five years and the period when the married couple is approximately forty years old. The difficulties of the first stage are due mainly to problems of adjustment. These years are decisive to the future of the marriage.
They determine whether a couple wishes to grow closer together, accepting each other completely, partialities, peculiarities, and shortcomings included. Are they both open to the changing influence each may have upon the other?
Or do they stand against each other as individuals? Do both want to grow together or become introverted? During this period both have to find their place as husband and wife. This does not always happen without clashes. If, as has already been explained, husband and wife have indeed found each other in love and continue to do so, they will go on to find everincreasing unity.
The second stage of difficulty is of a different nature. It is sometimes called the virility phase. This is the time in a man's life when he progresses no further. He has found his life's destination and, hopefully, has accepted it. He is in the prime of his life; his capacity for achievement has reached its peak. He looks back on the major part of his life that is already past. During this stage of life - sometimes called dangerous -radical changes may occur.
Many become converted to faith in God while others break with the religious tradition of their youth.
According to R mke, ministers of religion are known to change their vocation during this period. Often traditional values are doubted. It seems as if many people during this stage in life wish to make a new start. It is during this time that many marriages experience a crisis as well. For the individual partners, many ailments and defects become noticeable for the first time: Memory and psychical powers weaken; fatigue occurs sooner.
He who is not led by a strong faith in God's calling arrives at a disappointed conclusion about life: He throws himself with a new, seemingly youthful spirit into the attractive life. He flees into the new, trying to forget the old. Still, according to an expert, many at around forty begin to live in a rut largely determined by the sensuous enjoyment of life: A man may commit follies or have "adventures. During this period many divorces occur and older men remarry younger women.
Of course, this does not always happen. The forties can also be a time of intensifying the inner life. Inner conflicts and knowledge that, physically speaking, the best time of life is past can bring about deepening spiritual awareness. One can emerge from this stage a more balanced person, more aware of one's place in life and one's peculiar responsibilities. In many men, paternal feelings grow more intense.
Many begin to live more for their families and their wives.
It should be added here that R mke, who has made a study of the various stages in life, also states that some people develop without major symptoms of crisis. These people are found, he claims, especially among the "deeply religious. At the same time it can be said: As outward appearances deteriorate, they will expect and receive the renewal of the inner person.
During this stage the marriage can become much stronger, the communion closer, and the mutual physical and spiritual support greater. With an increase in years, the meaning of being given by God as a help to each other becomes ever more richly revealed. What has been attained through struggle will receive special splendor and value. That applies to the first stage in which the partners had to find each other. It also applies to the second stage in which they re-find each other and confirm their love with their maturity.
The transition years are the most difficult in a woman's life. These are the years just before and after menstruation ceases, also known as the climacteric. The cessation of menstruation is called the menopause, after which conception is no longer possible. At about age fifty, menstruation ceases. During this time women often experience physical and psychological difficulties. They often complain of headaches, dizziness, sleeplessness, "hot flashes," and other nervous difficulties and ailments.
A husband must make allowances for his wife during such a difficult stage in her life by supporting her, lovingly helping her and sparing her. Then, as in so many difficult situations, the husband's and wife's willingness to live in love for each other according to their vows must become apparent. Incidentally, that is true for the entire period of aging together. The strength of a couple's love will become evident when husband or wife becomes afflicted with physical ailments.
Love can be wonderfully demonstrated in the care which each gives the other. What a glorious crown can be placed on a marriage when husband and wife are able to help each other through several decades. Together they become old and gray but they continue to bear fruits for each other as they bear fruit for God. Sick and needy people have been placed by God on the paths of healthy people so that charity may be shown them: Through adversity God allows husband and wife to prove the strength of true love.
Difficult periods in the marriage of God's children can lead to blessing. This blessing will fall on the husband and the wife and all that surrounds them. Sexual relations between husband and wife The necessity of a satisfying sexual relationship in marriage is being emphasized more now than ever; it is considered the very basis for a successful marriage.
Here is what real commitment to your marriage means
Many books give frank information on the technique of performing the sex act. They dwell at length on the various ways of achieving sexual union which may lead to greater satisfaction. No one would deny the importance of satisfying sexual relations. They certainly influence the total relationship between husband and wife.
Spiritual relationship between husband and wife - Amma, Mata Amritanandamayi Devi
The wife who resigned herself to intercourse begins the day differently from the one who, upon awakening, recalls physical happiness. The husband who, upon awakening, recalls resistance at night, gets up differently from the one who can tease his wife about her complaisance J. The Dutch Society for Sexual Reform Nederlandse Vereniging voor Sexuele Hervorming strongly emphasizes the importance of a healthy, satisfying sexual relationship.
However, the suggestion that the "perfect marriage" is based on mutual sexual satisfaction is incorrect. Certainly much has changed for the better in the sexual affairs of marriage. Whereas in the past "conjugal rights" were thought to belong to the husband, today mutual rights and duties are stressed.
Formerly many husbands thought it undesirable or even improper for their wives to enjoy sexual pleasure as they did. It was a wife's task simply to be subservient to her husband. Today marriage is regarded as a bond of companionship in which the wife enjoys the same rights as her husband. As a companion to her husband, the wife asserts her rights to a satisfying sexual relationship. In the past, women knew little about sex before they married, but today most young women are well informed before marriage.
But no marriage will be successful simply because the sexual relationship no longer poses any problems. It is a total misconception that the perfect sexual technique guarantees a perfect marriage. In a revolutionary way, the woman has become a partner to her husband, but at the same time the sex act has been separated from the complete physical and spiritual communion that a good marriage must be. Marriage is more than the consumption of sex; physical intercourse alone does not make a marriage.
Two young people planning to get married will have to acquaint themselves with the functions of the sex organs and with the different psychical structures of men and women. Complete ignorance of these matters can lead to much trouble, tension, and sorrow.
For how many has the wedding night turned out to be a great disappointment because not enough consideration had been given to the difference in disposition between men and women? Psychiatrists and doctors can tell many stories about this.
The husband's lack of control and of sensitivity, and his sheer clumsiness may frighten an unprepared wife so badly that the honeymoon ends in disappointment. Sometimes there is no foreplay or caressing, and no consideration for the wife's feelings. Because of a husband's impatience and impetuosity a wife may well miss the tenderness and security which are necessary for her to respond sexually. A husband's sexual egoism can cause him to be very rough during the first cohabitation and this roughness can lead to vaginismus on the wife's part.
Unlike her husband's, the wife's sexual life is not marked by quickly roused passion or the physical satisfying of sexual desires, but is related more to feelings of unity that bind her to her husband. The intimacy, the giving and receiving of love, is of first importance to her.
Intimacy and the giving of love cannot be a technique learned from books; it is exclusively a private matter that belongs to the unique spiritual-physical communion that each marriage must be. Sometimes years pass before sexual harmony is completely achieved. Human sexual life in its most intimate forms, in its caresses, positions, and sexual acitivities, cannot be described in detail and passed on to others in a book.
A warning is in order here: A husband must realize that lovemaking is much more than taking his wife hurriedly. The Christian ethic insists that a wife is more than an object for satisfying sexual desires.
The husband who spends all his thoughts on variety in his sex life, who is always looking for new and more ingenious methods, distorts marriage by robbing it of all but its sexual aspect. In marriage, both partners must live in holiness with each other.
Real happiness in marriage is in danger when sexual pleasure is obtained too greedily and insatiably. Striving to obtain the utmost in sexual pleasure, may lure one partner into using the other to satisfy his own sexual needs. Then the uniting of husband and wife threatens to degenerate into an act of selfsatisfaction.
Selfishly satisfying one's sexual desires within marriage is a common, insidious fault. When warning young people against sexual ignorance, one must keep in mind that a couple may be tempted to perfect their lovemaking techniques from information gathered from books, and may eventually become both greedy and jaded about sexual experience.
Whoever rightly denounces greediness because it is in conflict with God's Word, should remember that greediness may also sour sexual relations. Sexual relations belong to marriage, but they are not its only foundation.
Whoever sees sexuality as being the ultimate and decisive value of marriage, idolizes it, and idolatry is sin. The dangers of boredom, habitualness, and superficiality also stalk sexual life. The more highly something is valued, the more chance it has of perishing because of the monotony of daily routine. Someone has pointed out that a beautiful prayer prayed a hundred times becomes meaningless.
A beautiful recording played a hundred times can become boring Trimbos. Sexual intercourse also suffers from habit and routine. Having intercourse too often can make the true meaning of this total expression of love disappear as it becomes indistinguishable from other daily habits. Together a couple has to struggle to keep beautiful that which is beautiful. Beauty is not preserved by well-prepared, refined techniques. On the contrary, it only survives in a total love that encompasses body and spirit and seeks the other as a human being created by God and received from Him.
Love, including sexual love, is a love that gives. To forget this is to misunderstand the essence of sexual relations. A couple may perhaps develop a satisfying sexual technique while experiencing no true communion since the spiritual basis which sustains true love is missing from their relationship. Therefore, the quick sexual encounter in which the husband thinks of self-satisfaction with no regard to his wife's spiritual and physical experience is more animalistic than human.
Since the wife as a rule needs more time than the husband to come to full psychical and physical satisfaction, it is cruel and unchristian for the husband to think only of himself. The wife needs foreplay and looks for warmth and tenderness in order to give herself wholly.
The question then arises: Must she always come to orgasm as her husband does? Today orgasm is declared to be a woman's right. Today, however, complete sexual satisfaction is regarded as the normal right of the married woman. Aware of this "right," many a married woman may wonder whether she is normal when she achieves this satisfaction partly or not at all. Then she begins to fear that she may be frigid and may reproach herself unnecessarily. Indeed, in many marriages, sexual insensitivity and frigidity lead to anxiety, apparently more so today than formerly.
Modem thought which demands equal rights for women drives many wives to concern when they do not reach orgasm. They think they have some defect and wonder whether their marriage is shaky or worse.
We must distinguish between three forms of sexual impotence that may occur in the wife. The most serious and exceptional form is vaginismus. Vaginismus is a strong form of repulsion at every attempt at sexual intercourse. It manifests itself in muscular spasms, pain, cramps, and a general feeling of nausea. There are also wives who are sexually absolutely indifferent but agree to intercourse for the husband's sake.
This is called frigidity. Both vaginismus and frigidity require treatment by specialists and will not be discussed further. To cling to the past is like living in the dark. We all want to be in the light.
Stop fighting the past, stop reacting to it, and you will be in the light. You will then clearly be able to see everything that is happening within you. With such a clear vision it is possible to form a true relationship. For example, a husband may think of something without saying a word about it. Yet somehow his wife is aware of it. He thinks of something and his wife says the same thing, or he wishes to do something and his wife suddenly expresses the same wish.
Why is there no real love in married life? What causes the conflicts and the friction? There is a serious lack of understanding between the husband and wife. For the development of a true relationship to take place, a basic understanding of human nature, the nature of men and women, is essential. Men are mostly intellectually centred, while women tend to be more emotional.
They dwell in two different centers, along two parallel lines. No real meeting takes place within them. How, then, can there be any love between the two? The love between a married couple is usually only skin deep. When you listen to your partner, he or she should be able to feel that you are genuinely interested and that you would sincerely like to help. Your partner should feel your care and concern, your respect and admiration.
An open acceptance of the other is needed, and there should be no reservations. If she has the right attitude, the family life will become peaceful. If both the husband and wife are obstinate and unyielding in nature, both should try to correct each other by cultivating and developing patience and forgiveness in themselves.
Always try to recognise and admire the good qualities in each other. Whatever your weaknesses may be, they should remain a secret between the two of you.
You should work out your problems together with a positive attitude, without provoking or hurting each other with accusations. As protector, the husband has various rights and obligations that he is expected to fulfill and thus is offered opportunities different from that of his wife or wives, not only in legal and economical affairs of the family but within the family as well. As in most cases in Islam law and culture, everything is being related to the Qur'an.
Many Muslims may agree on a perfectly equal relationship. Although some religions, such as Catholicism for instance, puts a cap on polygamy all together, or even serial monogamy, allowing one spouse until death does them apart, not even accepting divorce. According to the teachings of Islam a Muslim man should have a valid reason and have to get permission from his existing wife without any force if he requires to marry again.
Islam vehemently abhors any intimate relationship outside the bond of marriage. There is no external sign to show his status as a husband, unless he adopted the tradition of wearing a wedding ring. Marriage in Hinduism A Hindu husband traditionally takes his wife to his home.
He is expected to provide for her and to prove his abilities to do so. Before there was no divorce allowed in Hindu marriage. In modern times once again afterequal rights for women through society and law jurisdiction is given.